Decoding the Self-Sabotage Cycle: Stepping into an Expansive Future

Buckle up, as we are about to discover the addictive allure of self-sabotaging patterns. Imagine a loop that's so comforting you might not even realize you're caught in it, yet its frustrating grip keeps you circling in a status quo. We promise, by the time we're done, you'll have the insights to tear open this loop and step into a more expansive future. 

As we prepare for 2024, we are unearthing the inner mechanisms of self-sabotage, and the often unconscious ways we keep feeding into these patterns. We are peeling back the layers of the inner saboteur archetype, and how its protective instinct can keep us in a cycle of starting and stopping. We'll explore the fear of not achieving, the annoyance that comes with resistance, and how these elements bind us in a self-perpetuating loop. Through self-awareness, acceptance, and the release of judgment, you'll be guided to break free from this cycle. By the end of our discussion, you'll be ready to untangle the web of self-sabotage, paving the way for a successful and expansive 2024.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Can sabotaging patterns become addictive? You might be surprised at the answer. I'll go into more in depth in this episode. Stay tuned. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1: 0:38

So, as we are heading into 2024, my goal for you is to help you overcome the patterns, the habits, the behaviors, the beliefs that are holding you back so you can have the most incredible 2024 sabotaging patterns. So let's talk about sabotaging patterns what they are, how they can actually be quite addicting, why they are addicting. And you might be thinking, why would a sabotaging pattern be addicting? But I see people who are addicted to the stories and addicted to their limitations. That in a conscious. This is exactly what I want to be doing, way in a very unconscious, ego-serving manner. And when we are in a sabotaging pattern, I want you to think about it like it's a holding pattern. It genuinely is a holding pattern, holding you in a place in your life, regardless if you are frustrated or you are just at your wits end.

Speaker 1: 2:03

The inner saboteur which, if we look at the shadow archetypes the inner saboteur or the saboteur its job is to keep you safe. It doesn't care how frustrated you are, it really doesn't. There's a part of you that is in this pattern because it's keeping you safe and protected. So there's a fear of where you are. That's where the frustration comes in. So when we are frustrated with where we are, there's a belief somewhere that is saying we should be somewhere that we're not, and this belief is based in fear. This belief is not a belief based in love and inner trust and unknowing that we are here for the journey of life, and with that comes learning experiences. And when we can surrender and trust, everything is going to unfold as it should. The frustration comes in because we are resisting what is, and that's completely okay. The important thing to know here is that we don't want to be beating ourselves up. We don't want to be judging ourselves and allowing the inner critic to come and absolutely take over what we are thinking and feeling and how we are behaving, because what we resist persists.

Speaker 1: 3:57

So a big part of moving through these patterns to have a wildly successful, exciting and expansive 2024 is releasing the judgment of where you are right now and, if there is frustration, digging into the frustration and understanding it, to release it Now. I don't want you going in and digging in and getting lost in a healing loop, because that can be its own form of sabotage, understanding that the frustration is based in fear and it's based in a feeling. Often that comes up as a fear, that you're not going to manifest or create what you're desiring, but you're not going to be able to get to the place that you want to get in your work, in your life, and that's why this frustration is present. So, understanding that that's a fear program, what's on the other side of that frustration? Is it trust? Is it being present? Is it allowing what is to just be, what is Knowing that the more you can go into that surrender, the faster you can shift out of this loop.

Speaker 1: 5:34

Because often when we're in a sabotaging pattern it's a loop and I see this with clients that I work with all the time. A common loop is the stopping and starting pattern. So this is when you get really, really excited and you're going with all that, those chemicals and those emotions, and you're just committed for a period until you get to a certain spot and that's when the delts come in, that's when the inner credit comes in, that's when the inner saboteur comes in and it's like start, stop, start, stop, and you can actually become addicted to this drama of the starting and stopping. People I see with my clients can get really entangled with the story and start identifying with the inner saboteur archetype, as if the inner saboteur archetype is them. And this is where it gets the entanglement. We got to untangle the web that gets created when we identify as a saboteur someone who self-sabotages but really just seeing it as okay.

Speaker 1: 7:12

There's a part of me here that is trying to keep me safe and the reason it's trying to keep me safe is based in two reasons why it's genuinely trying to keep you safe and it's you know we sabotage because we don't feel safe or we don't feel worthy. These are the root of these sabotaging patterns. We always want to go beyond the surface level. If we are looking at the symptoms of what we're doing as the root, we're going to continue being in this loop. So an example of this is, you know, trying to treat your the productivity right. So if you're in a loop and at the core this is your inner saboteur coming in, but at the surface level it looks like oh, I have a productivity issue, I have a focus issue and you get all the best software that's supposed to help with that, get the best journals, you set up a whole bunch of things to be productive and it's great for about a day or two, and then you're right back into the same pattern again because it was never a productivity issue.

Speaker 1: 8:49

It's never the surface. One of the ways that I can tell one client is really ready to do the work, to release these patterns, to integrate the saboteur, which means releasing judgment on these patterns, really healing the core, the guilt and the shame that comes with these patterns and, even deeper, healing those core wounds of unworthiness. I know when someone is ready to do this work, when they're aware they can see it beyond the delusion and they can admit to themselves that this is not a surface level issue. This takes some courage and it really takes being in a place where the whole of you is ready to heal these patterns, because if you're not fully ready, you're going to continue seeing it as oh, this has nothing to do with fear or this has nothing to do with self-war, this is a productivity issue or this is a this issue, and you're going to keep going and trying to put band-aids on this gaping wound when that's not the path that's going to heal and release this pattern. The path to healing and releasing this pattern is healing. This is in my expansion method. The first step is always awareness. It's radical awareness and acceptance. It's seeing past the delusions and really getting to the core of what's going on, understanding your core root of this sabotage, the core fear, and healing, doing different types of modalities for that healing work to release it at the mental level, to release it at the physical level, to release it at the energetic level. And then we need to shift the habitual patterns. So that's when things such as productivity, support and different methods of remaining consistent and keeping yourself consistent will come in.

Speaker 1: 11:33

But if you try to jump the course and go directly to that, that's when you just you're in this holding pattern and you just continue being there and it's like you're unhappy with where you are and you're telling yourself you want to be somewhere else. But there's a part of you internally that's saying, actually I don't want to be there because that's scary and that means something right, whether. That's, you know, means you're going to be hurt or you're going to be left or you're going to be X, y, z, fill in the dots. There's some fear there. So, to move beyond this, we want to understand that this is not a surface level challenge. This is not a surface level thing when we are moving beyond these patterns that are holding us back. So for 2024, you know, I don't want you to go on a spree and buy a whole bunch of journals to color code and planners and you know this and that and this and that you know when it's something that you've done a million times and it hasn't worked. It's not going to work this time because you're jumping the gun. There's some deeper healing to be done and releasing any judgment, any self critical talk, anything that's going on in your mind telling you that you're something, you're saying that you're somehow screwed up or you screwed up or this is screwed up or something is screwed up Releasing that it's.

Speaker 1: 13:30

You know, some of the most incredible clients and just people in general that I know have the loudest and most, you know, dirtiest in our credit. They're the nasty things to themselves that they would never say to someone else and we want to shift that, because that is not the core of who you are. That is your ego, that is your, potentially your inner saboteur, triggering these thought patterns keeping you in a loop, keeping you in a holding loop, and you're ready to expand and do so where we are. When I say expand, what do I mean is move forward, progress, really understand what you desire, what you would love to call into your existence, whether that is different work opportunities, deeper connections, more meaningful relationships, more money, more experiences and allowing yourself to receive them and allowing things to be easier. This is one of the things that is across the board with the clients that I work with that are highly driven. They're highly ambitious and making things very, very hard for themselves, making things extremely difficult.

Speaker 1: 15:19

And it doesn't have to be hard. It shouldn't have that feeling of you know, challenges are great. We love challenges. Challenges are exciting. They're exciting for our soul. They keep things interesting. We actually don't want things to be so. We would get bored as high achievers. It would be boring, it would be snore fast If there was nothing to work through, no problems to solve, nothing to do. But it doesn't need that feeling of like you are trepsing through quicksand trying to get somewhere, feeling like it's absolutely impossible. This level of trying really really hard, being really really frustrated and almost like going in all different directions, trying this, trying this, hip-hopping around and nothing seems to be working is an absolute form of sabotage. Okay, not based again in a lack of focus or in anything surface level. These are.

Speaker 1: 16:25

You know, my method of coaching is getting to the root, saving a bunch of time not bothering with the surface level stuff, knowing that you're just going to go around in circles, getting to the root of a problem so we can heal that root and, as a byproduct of healing the root issue, everything begins to unfold and get easier, and heal itself as a byproduct Makes sense. So I'm inviting you to start thinking differently for the next year, knowing that if you do the same thing, you're going to get the same results. Let's not do that. Let's make a change. If you need help with this, if you need support with this, if you need a eye to come in and maneuver through the blind spots, book a breakthrough call. There is a few spots left before we hit the new year. I will be taking some time off before the new year, or you can book it after the new year.

Speaker 1: 17:35

If you're listening to this after the new year, in these breakthrough calls, we're going to get deeper into what's going on. I'm going to give you a framework of where to start moving through this. Whether you decide, or we decide that coaching is a good fit for you, you're going to leave with so much clarity, so much more awareness to where. Oh, it just makes sense. I've never had anyone leave one of these calls that felt more confused or more stuck. There's massive clarity that's available for you, especially when you are talking to someone who can very clearly see what's going on.

Speaker 1: 18:23

This is one of my gifts. It's one of my intuitive gifts. It's also just from experience many, many years of working with clients with sabotage as well as moving through my own sabotage. There's no way I could do the work that I do and be so effective if I don't have my own story around it. I hope you have a fantastic holiday If I don't talk to you until after the holidays and I am honored if you're still listening trust and know that, no matter how long you've been in a pattern or how frustrating you are, that you can change it, and you can change it literally in the snap of a finger. Sometimes all it takes is a certain level of awareness and things can start changing. I will talk to you soon. Let's stay connected.

Speaker 2: 19:20

Thank you for tuning into the Confident, Connected Leader podcast. Lisa Jeffs is committed to helping you break through barriers and climb to new professional heights. If today's episode inspired you, we'd be honored if you could subscribe, rate and leave a review. If you want to stay updated with practical tips and insights, follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram or Facebook. You'll find all relevant links, including those for our complimentary gifts and trainings, in the show notes. Until our next episode, embrace your confidence and stay connected.