Break Free from Settling: Empowering You to Receive What You Deserve

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a cycle of giving endlessly but receiving so little in return? Lisa Jeffs tackles this pressing issue in this episode of the Confident, Connected Leader Podcast. Drawing from personal experiences and societal observations, Lisa discusses the deep-rooted societal programming that often teaches women to settle for the bare minimum. She explores how this mindset infiltrates our relationships—be it romantic, familial, or professional—and why breaking free from feelings of guilt and shame when asking for more is essential for your well-being and success.

Chapters

• 0:00 Tempo: 120.0

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

If you've ever thought to yourself why do I feel like I'm giving so so much and not getting much in return? This one is for you.

Speaker 2: 0:13

You're tuning into the Confident, Connected Leader Podcast, your premier destination for breaking through your current professional barriers. Your coach and host, Lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend limitations and achieve new levels of professional success beyond self-doubt, sabotage and burnout. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1: 0:38

Welcome to the show leaders. Today we are talking about something a little different than usual, but so so important to remember. If you have not got your journal yet, this is called the Journal for the Woman who Gives a Lot. This podcast episode is going to be based on a big premise of that journal, and when I say you know the woman who gives a lot, if you're a man, you can very well resonate with the same message.

Speaker 1: 1:17

However, this does occur often with women. So the woman who gives a lot but either doesn't ask for much in return or feels guilty asking for what she truly wants, or when she does ask for what she wants, she has shame around it and maybe she doesn't even expect to get it. Perhaps she has learned how to ask for very little and gain something from that. So what prompted this episode was a video that I saw, and it was one of those opinion videos. So someone does an opinion and they show a clip of another video. The clip that they were showing was of a woman explaining that she doesn't ask for very much when she goes out on dates, or she doesn't ask for very much in her partnership, and I thought the opinion was going to be, because I know the person who was doing the opinion piece and I was expecting it to be along the lines of it's okay to ask for what you want. It's okay to ask more than the bare minimum, but it wasn't. It was a message stating how wonderful this is and how refreshing it is that this woman doesn't expect much. Isn't asking for much is really okay with the bare minimum.

Speaker 1: 2:58

Why do I have such a problem with this? Well, for years, I was learning through my relationships that not asking for much and being the woman who would give a lot Basically, what happened in a multitude of my relationships were men who would say how wonderful I was right, what a great girlfriend I was. I never asked for much. I was always there when they needed me. I'd always do all these things. I was so wonderful. However, when push came to shove and I needed something, so I needed them to sacrifice something for me nothing, not a yes at all. And in fact, in a multitude of those relationships, it ended after that Because, as much as I was in somewhat of a sleepwalk not asking for much when I saw that, it was a wake up call, that this person wasn't actually going to be someone I could have a real relationship with. So, anyways, it took me a long time to get to a place where I felt I feel comfortable asking for what I want, being direct about it and being okay with it, and realizing that if I don't actually ask for what I want, I'm probably not going to get it.

Speaker 1: 4:47

And this isn't just in, you know. I'm not referring to just simply relationships, although you'll see these patterns really easily in relationships. You'll see it within romantic relationships very clearly. You'll see it also within family relationships, but I'm talking about everything.

Speaker 1: 5:10

So, asking for what you want whether you're asking the universe for what you want, you know I can't tell you how many times I've worked with someone and we had to break through this pattern so they could start asking for what they truly wanted. And the universe doesn't freaking care if you're asking 10,000, 100,000, 100 million. There's no. Oh, you should be humble. You should be really humble and not ask for much. The universe, when we break it down, this is energy. Okay, it's not grading you. Of course we have programming in our society that says don't ask for much or be happy with what you have and while that is true, right, of course, be grateful for what you have. Absolutely. That is a foundation for everything, and it's not about just asking for a whole bunch of stuff, like you're a vacuum cleaner and you're just sucking all these things in to try to fill a void. That's not the point either. The point is ask for what you desire and know that it's okay, whether you are someone who genuinely doesn't need much Because I do believe that there are people in this world that they've gotten to a place where really they're cool with very little, and there's other individuals who want a lot of different things, whether it's in their relationships.

Speaker 1: 7:03

You know one of the things I tell a lot of my clients who are very purpose-driven. So I work with individuals who are purpose-driven. They're heart-centered, they have a mission, they want to help the world, they want to help other people, and these are the people where I say and coach them that being humble is great. If you're someone who leans on perhaps the more arrogant side and doesn't think about other people's needs or wants and again, arrogance is a good word for this then, yes, learning to be humble can be very beneficial. But if you're someone who a lot of the clients that I work with are purpose-driven, they're here to help the world. Often they don't realize just how incredible and amazing they are. They downplay their gifts and abilities and they don't ask for what they want.

Speaker 1: 8:11

And it's this group of people that needs to learn how to shoot from the rooftop, how amazing they are, and to ask for certain things and ask for money, because the money in your hands, a person's hands, that is going to help the world. That's what we want. That's where we want the money to be. Imagine how much you can do. And it's not just about again, it's not just about giving and giving and giving right. We also want to think about honoring ourself. But you know, I have huge goals and part of those goals do include contributing to the world.

Speaker 1: 8:55

It's very hard to contribute in a big way if you're broke, okay, so ask for what you want and be okay with it. Learn to be okay with it. Learn to be okay with letting people go that have absolutely no desire to truly show up and give you what you need. Allow yourself to let that go, because in my circumstances, in my relationships, when I can think back and it's interesting, because your relationships will show you a side of you that needs the most healing. It shows you because in these circumstances I was very confident and I was very assertive in many different areas, but for some reason, when it came to these relationships, I just stopped asking for what I wanted and I just kind of went along and gave and gave and gave and wasn't open to receive, which is why I had attracted these partnerships, because I wasn't even in a place where I was open to receive from a partner. So I attracted partners who weren't giving, who weren't giving, and the journal 30 Days of Self-Love and Learning how to Receive, the journal for the woman who gives a lot this is my latest journal.

Speaker 1: 10:33

This takes you through a process to start opening up to receive, to start prioritizing you and your needs and understanding that if you don't ask for what you want, you're probably not going to get it. And while you know I gave examples of my relationships where these individuals you know, once I asked, they basically were a closed book there are other people who would love to give you what you want, would love to provide you and shower you with all these wonderful things, but if they don't know, how are they going to do it right? Yes, some people are very highly intuitive and very you know they have emotional intelligence through the roof and they can kind of read your mind to some extent. They can really feel into what you need, what you want. There are far more people who cannot do this. So please, please, please, especially if you're in a wonderful, healthy, loving relationship ask for what you want, because many people love to give as much as they can receive, as much as they love receiving. There are many people that do have a healthy relationship with giving and receiving and would be happy to meet you, where you're at, with that, with your desires.

Speaker 1: 12:07

So I'm going to wrap this up because I didn't want this to be a long episode. I was just triggered not trigger triggered to speak up because it was disappointing to see that video, because I know there's going to be many people who watch that video of that woman and see all the comments saying, wow, this woman's great she. You know she's not asking for anything, she doesn't expect anything, she's just, she's just there. You know these are the ones we have to keep, you know, safe or whatever. And I fell into for so long until I realized, holy shit, I'm not going to get. This is not the way to get what you are desiring.

Speaker 1: 12:57

It's okay to be someone who has high standards and who is. I tell everybody I am very high maintenance. This is one reason I never go camping. No, I am not. You're not going to find me camping In this lifetime, in this identity that I currently have. I am very high maintenance. There's a lot of stuff that I need. I do my monthly prep. I have certain things that I do in the morning. I have a very extensive morning routine. I have very extensive evening routine, morning routine. I have very extensive evening routine. I have a very extensive skincare routine, hair routine, like I am not a low maintenance girl and that's not to say that that's somehow better than someone who doesn't have any routine.

Speaker 1: 13:55

It's honoring yourself for who you are. It's honoring yourself for who you are. That's what this is about Honor yourself and be real with yourself. Because when I started asking for what I wanted, especially to the universe, I really started putting out this is what I want, financial wise, these are the clients I want to work with. I started feeling like I was worthy of asking for what I wanted. Everything started to come into my life at a whole new level. Not only did I start asking for what I wanted, but I started showing up as that version of myself, who it was a given that that is what the version of me was going to receive. It will change the way you show up. It will change the way you see yourself. It will change what you know you are worthy and deserving of, and that is the key. That is really the key to all this, because that is what shifts the level of self-love that you have for yourself. When you no longer tolerate the bare minimum, or even the mid minimum, and you start owning the fact that you're freaking amazing and that you give so so much and you deserve to receive the same. You deserve to receive the same.

Speaker 1: 15:53

Okay, if you want to go deeper on this, you have two different ways to do that. One is you can grab the journal 30 day journal for the woman who gives a lot. It is on all the Amazons. I believe it should be. And if it's not on your Amazon, if you're in the country and you're like I don't see it, if you search Lisa Jeff's 30 day journal for the woman who gives a lot and you don't see it, send me an email and I will see what I can do about that. If you are in Canada, which I know a lot of my listeners are, you can definitely search the Canadian Amazon site and you will see it pop up.

Speaker 1: 16:46

If you really want to go deeper and catapult your results, then book a breakthrough call because we will get very clear what is the part of you that needs healing, what is the part of you that needs work to be able to embrace, asking for what you desire and be fully open to receiving it and more. Because the really cool, fun thing about this is when you start doing this work and you start being very clear what you are willing to tolerate and what you are no longer willing to tolerate or deal with or put up with. You will be surprised and delighted with what or who comes into your life. When I got really clear the type of clients I want to work with and I mean I've had really good clients from day one, but I got really really clear you know the level of just the level of integrity of the people coming to me. The universe matched that and expanded it to where you know.

Speaker 1: 18:14

I think I have the best business in the world. I get to work with the most incredible people on the planet. The best business in the world. I get to work with the most incredible people on the planet. It's fantastic. It's better than my wildest dreams. Never, you know, 10 years, 11 years ago almost could I ever imagine that I would be working with the people I am today. Not in a jillion years would I. If you had told me back then, would I be able to see it, because back then, not long before then, was one of these relationships that I'm talking about. So I was still in that state where I wasn't receiving because I didn't feel fully worthy enough. Okay, I'm going to wrap it up. I honor you, I love you. Thank you for sticking around. As always, let's stay connected.

Speaker 2: 19:08

Thank you for tuning into the Confident, Connected Leader podcast. Lisa Jeffs is committed to helping you break through barriers and climb to new professional heights. If today's episode inspired you, we'd be honored if you could subscribe, rate and leave a review To stay updated with practical tips and insights, follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram or Facebook. You'll find all relevant links, including those for our complimentary gifts and trainings, in the show notes. Until our next episode, embrace your confidence and stay connected.