The Hidden Inner Struggles of High Achievers and How To Succeed Beyond Them

What if your relentless pursuit of success is actually holding you back? Join us on the Confident, Connected Leader Podcast as we uncover the hidden struggles faced by high achievers, entrepreneurs, and business leaders. Drawing from over 11 years of coaching experience, we pull back the curtain on the internal chaos, confusion, and self-doubt that can accompany outward success. Through real-life examples, we reveal how even the most accomplished individuals can fall prey to a loud inner critic and a persistent lack of fulfillment, and why these feelings are a universal human experience. 

In this episode, we shift our focus from the urge to "fix" ourselves to understanding that we are not broken. By exploring the underlying beliefs and subconscious patterns that create resistance, we show you how to realign your thoughts and actions with your true aspirations. 

Chapters

• 0:00 Tempo: 120.0

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

If you are a high achiever, entrepreneur, professional business owner, business leader, who everyone seems to come to for help and support because they know you're incredibly smart, wise, you seem on the outside like you have it all together and for the most part you do, but internally there's still some chaos, some confusion, some self-doubt, the imposter syndrome, all kind of moving around doing its business, and even though you have come so far doing its business, and even though you have come so far, you can't seem to close that gap, that last piece of the puzzle. This is for you. We're going to dive in to the mind of the high achiever and why it can be so challenging to close that gap and to get to the point in your life and in your work where you can go to bed and you just feel like everything is moving smoothly. It's the way it should be, and your only thoughts are around the excitement of what you're creating for, the excitement of what's to come. This is going to be a good one. Stick around.

Speaker 2: 1:34

You're tuning into the Confident, connected Leader Podcast, your premier destination for breaking through your current professional barriers. Your coach and host, lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend limitations and achieve new levels of professional success beyond self-doubt, sabotage and burnout. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1: 1:59

Welcome to the show. For those new to the podcast, I coach for a little well, not a little over 10 years, almost 11 years now. Prior to that, I was a counselor in the school board, working with youth and young adults. My specialty is working with high achievers leaders, entrepreneurs is working with high achievers leaders, entrepreneurs, professionals.

Speaker 1: 2:26

That many, many of these individuals are at the top of their game, what it appears like for the people looking in. Now, when a lot of these clients come to me, however, they do not feel like they're at the top of the game. They feel like they've come pretty far and they've done a lot of the work to get to where they are, but there's still these last pieces that feel like oh, this is just kind of hanging around, whether it is anxieties about certain subjects, whether it is overworking, still being addicted to work, workaholism, feeling like they're burning out. But they can't slow down, they can't shut their brain off, they're waking up in a state that's far less than ideal. Sometimes they're feeling irritated when they're going to bed or they're irritated throughout the day working with their team or working in their business. They just don't feel that state of of relaxed joy, fulfillment, pride and I mean pride in the good way about what they've already created and they're looking for. They're seeking out almost this feeling of relief from getting in their own way, because they keep hitting the same spot and if they're making progress, they make it, but often they hit that same wall or they even go back a little bit and it's just kind of this loop. And what can happen when you're in this loop is you go to a book, or you seek out a podcast, or you even go to a convention or a retreat, or maybe you buy a program or something like this, and what happens a lot is because just to backtrack a little bit I get privy to being in the room with a lot of individuals making a lot of big moves, not only in their own business but in the world in general.

Speaker 1: 5:01

It's interesting because many years ago, when I was first starting out my business, I would see many of these people and I would look up to them and I would almost be putting these people on a pedestal Not almost, I was putting a lot of these people on a pedestal. And the funniest thing happened at a certain point in my business I started attracting a lot of these same individuals and I started to realize that, oh, it doesn't matter how much outwardly success a person has achieved, they can still and they do still have the same internal challenges around self-doubt, of having a very loud inner critic, of appearing very confident, self-assured and like they've done all the self-growth work on the planet. But they still have these challenges. And I realized that it's a human thing and there's nothing. This is something I need you to listen to there is nothing to fix.

Speaker 1: 6:16

Going back to what I was saying a few minutes ago, what can happen is and this is especially true for the high achiever that wants to fix things, that wants to fix problems because many of us are problem solvers is going to the next thing oh, I need this to fix this. Okay, if I just fix this, everything will be good. If I just do this, everything will be good. And it's always this seeking that fix out. I need you to stop trying to fix what is going on inside of you, Because when we have the mentalities that something needs to be fixed, what we're saying is that something is broken and you are not broken. Right, we fix what is broken and you are not broken. Right, we fix what is broken, you are not broken.

Speaker 1: 7:06

So that is not the answer that we need, and I hope this is a breakthrough for someone that seems to keep going to certain things or trying to read the book or do this or do that, and there's still the same challenges. It's because we need to look at it with a new lens. Same challenges. It's because we need to look at it with a new lens and another perspective shift I want you to really grasp is understanding that your problem is no bigger than someone else's problem. This is a perspective, or rather a belief system that a lot of people can have, and it's a huge hindrance, and I can tell you that I've worked again with just phenomenal people and, across the board, the challenges are pretty much the same. There is no person I've worked with in almost 11 years that is so much, quote unquote worse than the next person.

Speaker 1: 8:12

Whatever you're going through, your challenge can be released. We can see it in a new way. We can make changes and get the results, or rather have the experience that we want, that we're desiring. So you are not somehow and I'll use the words unfixable because, again, we're not broken. There's nothing to fix. So what do we do with this? So there's nothing to fix. So, Lisa, you're telling me there's nothing to fix. I'm not broken. Okay, but I still have these same challenges. So what do I do? I need you to understand that there's no magic answer.

Speaker 1: 9:02

There's no magic key, magic answer. There's no magic key. There's no code to crack and all the yada yada stuff that we see online, all the marketing and stuff to get you to buy. The next thing. It's understanding that if you have these challenges, like anxieties, or you're a workaholic and can't seem to slow down, or you're trying to get to a certain point in your business or your career and you just can't seem to get there, or maybe there's something that you want to do, there's something that you want to try, there's something that you want to put out in the world, maybe it's just a life experience. You want to have a different house, maybe you want to make a move, maybe you want deeper, more meaningful relationships or a romantic partner, a spouse, and you just can't seem to get there. If this is the case, there are patterns and beliefs that are standing in the way. They are not roadblocks. They are simply patterns and behaviors and beliefs that are creating the resistance between where you are and where you want to be. And when there's resistance presence, you're always going to feel like it's out of reach or it's just at arm's reach, but you can't seem to grasp it. You're reaching out and you can see it and you can smell it, and you can feel it and you're like, oh my God, it's right there, but I can't seem to grab it. It's because there is resistance there. There is something, some belief that you have that is not in alignment with the goal that you are trying to achieve. So let's say that you are. I'm going to use romantic relationships, because a lot of people can relate to romantic relationships. So let's say that you want to get married to your dream person and you desperately want to have that relationship, a meaningful relationship, one that helps you grow, one that you just can enjoy and it's serving you. It's serving your purpose, it's serving your vision, but it just always seems out of reach. There's a belief that is not in alignment with that vision, and that belief could be. I'll give you some beliefs that are common in the work that I do, that I hear often, or that, when we dig in, are discovered.

Speaker 1: 12:00

So you may have a belief. Let's say that you're a high achiever and you're very busy and one of your biggest priorities is your contribution and growing your body of work in the world, but you believe that, even though you want one, even though you want one, you believe that having a partnership, a deep, committed partnership, or spouse or marriage, is going to take away from you doing the work in the world, you doing your work, you're going to be too busy or it's going to take too many of your resources. And PS, this is not always a conscious belief. This belief can be operating and often is operating below the surface. It's often operating in the subconscious. So if you have a belief like it's gonna take away from your business, you are not going to put your everything into finding a partnership, even though you're telling yourself you want one, you want one, yeah, yeah. You can even be going on dates and putting yourself out there, but guaranteed you haven't said to yourself this is my end goal, this is what I'm going for and that's it. No ifs and buts are about it. There's a part of you that has one foot out.

Speaker 1: 13:26

Another belief that I hear often if you have simply a belief that you are going to be, that person is gonna be unfaithful. If you believe that people cannot be faithful maybe you saw that growing up, maybe you experienced that at some point in your life and now you believe it again there's a part of you operating that's going to stop you from moving fully in the direction of finding, meeting, creating that relationship. The same goes for business. If you have big goals, but there's a part of you that believes if you reach a certain point in your business or your career, you are going to have to sacrifice something that's meaningful for you, you will stop yourself, often subconsciously, from achieving that goal. And this is where it gets tricky, because you can have the goal and you can be telling yourself this is what I want, this is what I want, this is what I want. But there's still that other part of you that's operating, that's saying no, we don't, no, we don't. And if you've ever heard me talk about the inner saboteur, this is what the inner saboteur will do.

Speaker 1: 14:47

A lot of times people think sabotage is some big hot mess of an experience in your life where someone just completely blows up their life. Sure, that can be a form of sabotage, but it's also very quiet. It's often goes almost unnoticeable and shows up in just getting to a certain point but not being able to cross the finish line. So I want you to understand something that it's not complicated Again. There's no code to crack here. We stop ourselves from getting to a certain point and we will continue to loop around patterns and behaviors that do not serve us because, in actuality, there's a part of it, part of that pattern that is serving us and if we don't feel 100% worthy of it or safe, we will not get to the end goal that we are telling ourselves we want to get to. So I'm going to repeat that If we have a belief that we are not worthy or we do not feel safe, do not feel safe, we will not commit fully to reaching that end goal.

Speaker 1: 16:29

So anytime that I am working with a client, a client comes to me and they have certain goals that they want to reach, even if the goal is simply to stop getting in their own way, to stop feeling like they are, you know, showing up in a certain way. Everyone thinks they have a certain image, but inside they are filled with anxiety, they are filled with insecurities, they are doubting themselves, they are doubting their path, they are just in a a not a calm place where they can just. It's almost like you know, when I think of of that feeling of being just calm and fulfilled and happy and joyous, it's like those first few seconds of sinking into a glorious hot tub, overlooking the mountains, and it's just this amazing, incredible feeling. So sometimes their goal is simply that they want to feel like that, that they're so sick and tired of not feeling like that and always feeling like that and always feeling like they're just on this hamster wheel. Even though they've reached many of the goals, they don't feel like they're ever at that place where they can just take a breather and enjoy and relax.

Speaker 1: 17:53

There's a part of you, if you're resonating with that and you're putting up your hand and you're like, yes, yes, yes, there's a part of you that either doesn't feel worthy or you don't feel safe to achieve that. There's something that is getting in the way and that's why you don't want to keep going to these quick fixes or, you know, reading the next book or doing the next retreat. You really just wanna get clear on what is gonna help me to feel safe. What is gonna help me to feel safe to close this gap? What do I need to believe about myself? What do I need to believe about myself? What do I need to believe about the world? What do I need to believe about the work I am bringing into this world? Everything is a reflection of our beliefs. Everything is a reflection of what we deem worthy of us.

Speaker 1: 19:00

When you work on your worthiness and your safety in this world and when I say safety, I'm talking about feeling safe to show up as you are, feeling safe to be in the world financially. That you are safe and supported and you always will be safe and supported. That you don't have to overwork. You don't have to sacrifice your values. Your values. You don't have to put on this show or hide the real you from coming out. You don't have to play a game that you think you should be playing. These are the beliefs I need get very clear on. What do you need to believe instead?

Speaker 1: 20:01

And part of shifting our beliefs one, it's doing the work with neuroplasticity to change these beliefs. I'm not gonna go into too much of neuroplasticity on this episode. I have talked about it before but you have to understand. It's really helpful to understand how the brain works and why we get stuck in loops. The brain's job is to be efficient, so it will hang on to these loops even if they're not serving us. I teach a process on how to rewire these beliefs that are no longer serving you in my programs.

Speaker 1: 20:44

If you're listening to this and you're a client, go back to the programs and practice, the framework to change these. Often, when I have someone I've worked with in the past and they come back and let's say they're working towards new goals and they feel a little bit stuck, you go back to the fundamentals. We go back to the fundamentals. We're not looking for new fixes and this and that these are fundamental pieces of changing your reality, of changing your life, of changing the results that you're experiencing. So changing it, doing the work, doing the inner work and also aligning our actions. So if we're going to tell ourselves that we believe that we are safe, we have to act like we know. That is true. We can't tell ourselves that one story and act in a different way. It doesn't work like that and this takes courage. This takes, sometimes, radical courage to act in a new way, to take new, bold actions towards your goals. You can't keep doing the same things and expecting different results.

Speaker 1: 22:11

I hope this is giving you some ideas of where you want to focus. We are moving towards the end of the year. A lot of people are ramping up a lot of business leaders, a lot of entrepreneurs. A lot of people are already thinking about 2025, where they want to be. And I want to ask yourself, I want you to ask yourself, what change do I need to make, honestly, that is going to align me with the goals I need to get to? And maybe it's time to get support to help you. Maybe it's time to get some help with the challenges that you've already come so far.

Speaker 1: 23:00

But it's that last piece, and it's often those last pieces that are hanging on for dear life, because they're the parts of us that we don't always like to look at. And, as a high achiever, I can say that we often use our work and even things that are good for us, like working out, training, doing things that are good for us but we often use that as a distraction from what's actually going to make the difference, from what's actually going to make the difference. And that is going in and seeing what is that belief that we need to instill and what is that next action we need to take? And I promise you I've done this multiple times in my life. Often I've had to get to the point where I was so sick and tired of what I was living that I needed to kind of hit that rock bottom to make a change. I'm not saying that you need to hit a rock bottom In fact I don't want you to.

Speaker 1: 24:11

But when I hit that rock bottom, I made and again I did this multiple times I made and again I did this multiple times a radical shift in my reality. I mean, I'm talking within days. I was living a different reality. Within weeks it was radically different and within months I wasn't even the same person anymore and it was a wild improvement in my experience. But what I had to do was completely shift my beliefs, how I saw myself, what I believed about myself, what I believed about the world. I had to commit fully to my vision, to what I was telling myself I wanted, and I had to align everything with that my actions, my beliefs. When I woke up, when I went to bed, I could not carry anything from the old way with me. It all had to disintegrate, basically, and I transformed my life.

Speaker 1: 25:21

And maybe you're not at the place where you need to transform your life, but maybe you want to just close the gap. This is the way to do it. This is the way to do it Change the beliefs, change the patterns. If you would like support, don't wait. I mean support with me. Don't wait. Book your breakthrough call, let's have a conversation.

Speaker 1: 25:47

As we near the end of the year, things do pick up. I like to think of September, similar energy to New Year's Eve. New Year's or New Year's, I should say is always a very busy time for people wanting transformation and to change things up. They lean into that energy of getting more serious about their goals, about their vision. So things do get busier. So if you would like to chat with me, learn about how I can help you close that gap with so much more ease and efficiency, book your breakthrough call and let's have a conversation, as always. I appreciate you. Thank you for listening. I honor you. If you have a question, please head over to the podcast website. You can find that in my Instagram bio and hit the link that says send me a text. Send me a text, send me your question, and if I feel like the question is going to resonate with a lot of other listeners, I will answer it on a podcast. And, as always, let's stay connected.

Speaker 2: 27:02

Thank you for tuning into the Confident, connected Leader podcast. Lisa Jeffs is committed to helping you break through barriers and climb to new professional heights. If today's episode inspired you, we'd be honored if you could subscribe, rate and leave a review To stay updated with practical tips and insights, follow us on LinkedIn, instagram or Facebook. You'll find all relevant links, including those for our complimentary gifts and trainings, in the show notes. Until our next episode, embrace your confidence and stay connected.