Breaking Free from the Fixer Role: Reclaim Your Energy and Unleash Your True Potential

Feeling the weight of always being the go-to problem solver? Discover how to shed that mantle and reclaim your energy on the Confident, Connected Leader podcast, hosted by Lisa Jeffs. Join me as I share my personal journey of letting go of the fixer role and the profound transformation it sparked in my life and business. If you've ever found yourself trapped in the cycle of being the answer for everyone around you, this episode is a must-listen. We tackle the hidden costs of constantly being the fixer and why it's essential to set boundaries and redirect your energy towards your true passions and purpose.

Through engaging storytelling and actionable insights, we explore the ego boost and sense of importance that often accompanies this archetype, and the fears that come up when you decide to step back. But the rewards are worth it. By focusing on your own craft, you unlock your natural genius, enhance your confidence, and truly flourish. This episode is a call to all leaders, entrepreneurs, and type A personalities to invest energy in the work you're meant to do and make a real impact with your unique gifts. Listen in and start your journey towards becoming a more confident, self-assured leader today.

Chapters

• 0:00 Tempo: 120.0

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

You're tuning into the Confident, Connected Leader podcast, your premier destination for breaking through your current professional barriers. Your coach and host, Lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend limitations and achieve new levels of professional success beyond self-doubt, sabotage and burnout. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 2: 0:24

Welcome to the show leaders. Today, we're going to talk about a shift that is going to radically change your life, your business, how you feel on a daily basis. This is especially important if you play the role as the one who typically has all the answers. I work with top entrepreneurs, leaders, business leaders, type A personalities who are often seen in their family unit as the ones who have the answers. Who are the leaders? What happens with this archetype is they get into the routine and habit of having an answer for everything. When they don't have an answer for something, they can start to beat themselves up and feel really bad about themselves, when, in reality, they're not supposed to have the answer for everything. We're not designed to have the answer for everything, and what happens when you play that role for long enough is that people just consider you to be the answer to their problem. Be the answer to their problem right. Whether you're the one that people call all the time and get guidance from, or you're the person that every team member comes to to get support in, you start playing this role.

Speaker 2: 2:00

In my own life, I played this role for a long time. I was the one that everyone came to for answers and guidance and truth be told. One of the reasons why we become this person, this archetype for other people, is because we have the answers for them. When we continue to do this over and over again, it can start to siphon our energy and we can start to feel a little bit depleted, as always the one who needs to maintain this group, or always be the one that has the answer. In my own life, it felt really scary to start to set those boundaries, to let people know, directly or indirectly, that I was no longer going to be the person to fix everything, to make everything better and to have all the answers, that I was going to start turning all that energy back towards me and my true purpose and the work I'm meant to do here in the world, because the work that I'm meant to do here in the world is very important as I'm sure your work is as well and you're not meant to be the answer to everybody's problem. You are meant to stand firm in your truth and in your gifts that you are here to share with the world, and the more you can turn that energy that's leaking off through this archetype of being the answer giver and the problem solver and turn it back on you and your purpose, and turn it back on you and your purpose, the work you're here to do the more that your natural genius and your gifted work, it starts to blossom and develop.

Speaker 2: 4:16

The funny thing is, when you start to set these boundaries, it can feel scary because there's the part of the fixers that feel good fixing things for other people. We continue doing it because we get something out of it. It feeds the ego. It feeds a part of us that likes to be the one that everybody comes to. We feel important, we feel valuable, and it can feel unsafe. It can feel almost like oh, do I really want to give that up? I don't want to give that up. Actually, I like that. There's a part of me that really likes being that person.

Speaker 2: 4:58

However, I found in my own life it feels a lot better and I feel a lot more confident and self-assured knowing that I'm putting that energy towards my genius and the feedback I get from doing my work, working with clients, working one-on-one with clients, helping them effectively and efficiently root out the blockages that they have so they can move forward in their business, so they can do the work that they're here to do. And the more that I hone in on my craft, the better I get, the more confidence I feel. But imagine if I was being the fixer for everybody else's problems in my life I would have no energy to put towards my craft. So my message to you is, if you're resonating with this and you feel like you know what I do, feel like I'm the one who always has to make sure that everyone is taken care of in my life and I am the fixer and everyone does come to me and you know what I like it because I feel important. But I know that it's taking away energy from other things that are. I want you to realize those other things that are important to you, important to the work that you have been put on this planet to do, put on this planet to do. You have to understand that.

Speaker 2: 6:54

Saying no and setting boundaries and part of it is saying no to yourself first right, setting the boundaries with yourself, honoring yourself, honoring your time, honoring your energy, honoring your knowledge. If you have people that you're not even close to, let's say online, asking to pick your brain left and center, and all your energy is going towards this and there's an unequal give and take exchange. There's an unequal give and take exchange. This is not supporting your natural gifts. This is where we can become irritable. This is where we can become resentful, and it's not anyone else's fault. Most people are not doing any of this maliciously. There is a pattern that has developed and they are simply acting in accordance to that pattern. And when we do not honor ourselves and set these boundaries, we are teaching people how to treat us and set these boundaries. We are teaching people how to treat us and a lot of times, resentment builds and it's not fair to the other people in our life for us to resent them for the boundaries that we haven't set. We need to set these boundaries and honor ourselves.

Speaker 2: 8:22

The first part of setting these boundaries is understanding that you're not taking away from your life by setting these boundaries. I know it feels like that sometimes, like you're going to be taking something away. You're not. You're actually adding to your life. These boundaries can sometimes feel like they need to be a little bit more firm at the beginning, especially if there's been resentment built up, and that's okay, that's normal. That's natural. You may feel like you want to say no to everything If you got into a place where you're so tired you weren't out, even though, again, there's a part of you that likes it right. There's a part of us that still likes being the person everyone comes to, but you're burnt out, you're exhausted. You don't want to play this role anymore. You don't want to play this archetype. It can feel like you want to change everything and just say no to everything, and that's okay. Honor that. Sometimes that is a part of our path we need to go through to then get to the other side where you can have much more flexible boundaries.

Speaker 2: 9:37

I'm in a place right now where I've already been through that part, that season, where I had to really honor myself and just not be that role for anyone, as I continue to pour energy into myself and my work. I'm in a really nice place where it feels like my cup has filled, where it's been enough time and, mind you, this is I'm talking about this has been a few years for me. It doesn't have to be a few years. For you it can be whatever time, but for me I had to really pull back a lot. Now I'm in a really nice place where my cup has overflowed so much because I was honoring myself, I was pouring into myself that it now has so much more to give. And I give from a place of fullness, not from a place of feeling like I have to play this role. I have to do this. I can't say no. For me, one of my patterns was saying no means I'm going to damage a relationship, because one of my core wounds is around abandonment. That terrified me and I would keep saying yes or keep compromising my own energy and compromising my own well-being to be that person. And I'm in this really great place where it's.

Speaker 2: 11:08

When you're in that place of just feeling so full, you get to give to the places you want to give to. You get to pour into other people and avenues and projects and you know when someone needs you or you can be that person for someone to fix something with them, not for them with them. You can do that and still have so much energy reserve, emotional reserve, bandwidth to continue to pour into yourself and to pour into your work. It's overflowing, but it's a process and you have to go through it. The first step is knowing that you're not taking away from yourself by setting boundaries and learning to say no. You're adding to your life. You're adding to your life no-transcript.

Speaker 2: 12:21

When you start saying no to things that no longer serve you or have never served you, no to opportunities, no to things you think you should do but don't want to do, you are opening the door for things that are a yes to come in, that are so much more aligned, that bring you so much more into your life, more joy, more things to ignite that life force, energy. It's okay to say no to what does not serve you. You are safe to say no and you are still deserving of everything you are calling in. Regardless. If you say no to people, to expectations, to opportunities that aren't aligned, it is in no way shape or form going to hinder what you are calling into your life. That was a big one for me. For a while. I felt like I always had to, or it felt like something was going to get taken away if I didn't say yes to opportunities. There was a period in my business where I felt like it was almost FOMO. I had to say yes to certain things or else they would go away and then there wouldn't be anything to replace them. That's farthest from the truth. When we say no, when we really tune in and it's a no and we say no. We honor that. We open the door to so much more.

Speaker 2: 14:13

I want to know if this resonates with you, if this is helpful, if this is a topic that you want to hear more about or you have specific questions about. If you haven't seen my journal the self-love journal for the woman who gives a lot it's a 30-day journal. It's a process that you go through of prompts. It was made. I designed it for the caregiver, the leaders who give a lot and who have no problem even giving but often have a imbalance of receiving, and I made this for women. But it's also in alignment with many men that I talk to, because there are many men who are in that same pattern.

Speaker 2: 15:09

So, self-love journal for the woman who gives a lot. You can find it on Amazon. If you resonate with what I shared, check out the book. I love getting questions, so don't hesitate if you have a specific situation that you want some guidance in. If it resonates, I will take that and we can do another episode on your specific question. As always, I appreciate you. I'm sending you so much love, especially if you're one of these people who can give out a lot but have to work a little bit harder to receive, but now it's time to receive back. I appreciate you, I love you and let's stay connected.

Speaker 1: 15:59

Thank you for tuning into the Confident, connected Leader podcast. Lisa Jeffs is committed to helping you break through barriers and climb to new professional heights. If today's episode inspired you, we'd be honored if you could subscribe, rate and leave a review To stay updated with practical tips and insights. Follow us on LinkedIn, instagram or Facebook. You'll find all relevant links, including those for our complimentary gifts and trainings, in. Or Facebook, you'll find all relevant links, including those for our complimentary gifts and trainings, in the show notes. Until our next episode, embrace your confidence and stay connected.