Stop Waiting for Approval and Start Leading Your Life

Self-permission is the real key to confidence and leadership growth, not the other way around. Most of us hold back from taking action because we're unconsciously seeking external validation rather than trusting ourselves to move forward despite uncertainty.

• Most people mistakenly think they need confidence first when they really need to give themselves permission
• We're conditioned from childhood to seek validation from authority figures before taking action
• Be careful who you share your dreams with - many people will discourage you without understanding your vision
• Others sometimes benefit when you stay stuck, making their discouragement self-serving
• Confidence isn't a prerequisite for action - it's the byproduct of giving yourself permission
• True magnetism comes when you align with your values and vision without waiting for approval
• Challenge yourself to identify where you need to give yourself permission rather than seeking more confidence

If you're resonating with this message and want to join the Magnetic Leader Accelerator Beta program, reach out soon. The beta is ending shortly, and the included one-on-one coaching sessions won't be available with the regular program.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Self-Permission
• 4:37 Why We Seek External Permission
• 8:52 How Others Benefit From Your Stagnation
• 11:21 Self-Permission Creates True Confidence
• 14:07 Taking Action Despite Others' Opinions
• 17:03 Magnetic Leader Accelerator Opportunity

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

What if it wasn't confidence that you needed, but you simply needed to give yourself permission. Leaders, this is gonna be a good one, very applicable, very important. Keep listening, let's get started. Let's get started, let's get started.

Speaker 2: 0:19

Tap into your inner power. You got this. Now go get it, living up to your full potential. Your energy is magnetic. Big dreams believe in it. Wisdom, we seeking it, everything that you're looking for, brought to you by lisa jeffs, the magnetic leader. It's time to soar. Tap into your power of an entrepreneur. Level up, step it up, because I believe your purpose Time to be a magnetic leader, hey.

Speaker 1: 0:50

Welcome to the show leaders. You are listening to the Magnetic Leader. The sound may be a little bit different in this episode as I'm not in my usual studio, but let's get started. This is all about really understanding what is holding you back from going all in on your vision, on what you want, on a relationship in your business, in your career. A lot of times when I work with leaders, executives, founders, creatives, entrepreneurs I hear it all the time If I just had more confidence, I would do this. If I just had more confidence, I would speak up. I know what I want, but I second guess myself all the time, and I'm sure you can fill in the blank with a multitude of different other things that are being said either by you or by someone else. When I dig in with my clients and we dig deeper into this, it really isn't about confidence. It's about permission. So permission to go after what you want, permission to say something that might be imperfect God forbid, oh my God. Permission to trust yourself, even if you don't see results yet, even if the entire world is telling you you're crazy for doing something. By the way, this one is huge. This is one of the reasons why I often share with my clients.

Speaker 1: 2:44

Be really, really careful who you talk to, who you speak to about certain things. I remember sharing a opportunity with a friend, and it was an investment opportunity and this was a very good friend. So this wasn't just someone I had just met, so this was a very, very good friend that I shared this opportunity with because I knew that she could benefit from it. And I'm not going to share any kind of opportunity with anyone unless I absolutely believe in it myself. Unfortunately, she asked someone in her family who had no idea about the opportunity, had no ins and outs, and just gave her an opinion basically based on really nothing to do with what it was all about. Now, I'm sure he thought he was helping her kind of think. He just wanted to have some control and unfortunately she missed out on a really really big payoff from that investment.

Speaker 1: 4:02

So it is really, really important that you allow yourself the power to grant yourself permission when something truly feels right for you, when something feels in alignment, it feels like the next best step, or maybe it even feels really, really scary, but you know it's the next piece of the puzzle to help you move towards the goal that you are moving towards or the vision. So why do we do this? Why do we not allow ourselves permission to truly live in accordance to how we want to live and do the things we want to do and show up in the way that we want to show up? Most of us are not taught how to give ourselves permission. In fact, and this is true for many mission In fact, and this is true for many, many women, but I'm absolutely sure it's true for many men as well, depending on your family unit. But I know for women, it's pretty much across the board that we are taught to make sure others are taken care of, to make sure others' well-being is at the forefront, and, especially if you are highly intuitive, you're sensitive, maybe you have people-pleasing tendencies.

Speaker 1: 5:40

We are often, or we have been trained to seek permission outside of ourselves so from teachers, from bosses, from our family and this can completely throw off our ability to give ourselves permission when it might make others uncomfortable. We're constantly thinking of others first, Even thinking of how others may like or dislike what we're going to do, or be offended or not offended that one is huge. Be offended or not offended, that one is huge, Like in the last five years or so, the whole cancel culture and this insane fear about offending people. And what it's done is it's completely shut people down from expressing themselves, which is not healthy, by the way. It is not healthy the the way. It is not healthy the path that we went down, so much to the polar on one side that now people are scared to even express themselves. Now, that's not saying that we should go around and say hurtful things that we know is offensive to people, but there's gray area here. It's not a polar on one side or the other, so we're taught not to give ourselves permission.

Speaker 1: 7:16

So, of course, this confidence feels out of reach, Because every time we want to do something, every time we want to do something, we're unconsciously waiting for someone to say yes, you're allowed, or no, you're not allowed. And it's really, really detrimental again to be waiting for permission or waiting for approval from people who have not even done anything that you want to do, or they're not in the position you were in, or they benefit from you staying stuck. This is a huge one. I see this a lot in my clients when it's a couple, in my clients when it's a couple, a married couple Often, often, and unfortunately, it typically is the husband in these scenarios. I'm not saying that that's always the case, but in the cases that I'm experienced, in a lot of times it's the husband, sometimes even the boyfriend. A lot of times it's the husband, sometimes even the boyfriend, who will attempt to hinder their partner's growth because it benefits them. It benefits the partner not going for something. Now I'm not saying that these partners are being malicious, but a lot of times we're playing out unconscious wounds. So you have to be aware of that. That. These are patterns that run deep.

Speaker 1: 8:53

Where are you waiting for someone, even unconsciously waiting? For someone to say, yes, you're allowed, yes, you're allowed to do that. For someone to say, yes, you're allowed, yes, you're allowed to do that. But in leadership and when things really start to change and move whether you're self-leadership or you're leading a team or you're leading a movement it starts when you stop waiting. That's when you truly step into being a leader, when you stop waiting for permission or validation and you are okay with going against the grain.

Speaker 1: 9:43

So confidence isn't a starting point, it's a byproduct of self-permission. Right, when you start to truly embody self-permission, that is when confidence starts to explode, Because it doesn't even matter if something goes quote unquote right or quote unquote wrong, the confidence grows because you believe in yourself enough to move forward, to give yourself that permission. So when you allow yourself to speak, even if your voice shakes, even if it doesn't come out great, you're going to build confidence because you gave yourself permission to say the thing. Even when you move and you overthink a bit, but you still make the decision, give yourself permission to make that decision. You build confidence when you validate your own truth instead of outsourcing it.

Speaker 1: 10:53

You become the version of you that doesn't need to prove anything, because you're just doing your thing, You're living your life, You're sharing what's meaningful to you, You're making decisions that align with your values, that align with your vision. You're not stopping yourself because of fear of being reprimanded or fear of having some kind of backlash or fear of failure or whatever the fear is. This is when people become truly magnetic. You become truly magnetic when you fully align with your values, with your vision, and you give yourself permission to move forward. This is a huge part of the magnetic leadership accelerator. It's permission to go full steam into the vision that is fully aligned with your values, Because then you are aligned to your purpose. You are doing the work that you came here to do. You are being the leader you came here to be.

Speaker 1: 12:12

So next time that you say I just need more confidence, I want you to wait. Just give it a pause for a second and ask yourself where do I actually just need to give myself permission? Where do I just need to give myself permission? Permission to go for it. Permission to not get it perfect do it anyways. Permission to trust what you feel, even when no one else gets it. This is a huge one when it comes to coaching. Investing in coaching is a huge one when it comes to coaching investing in coaching. I've had lots of these incidents with my clients where they've known that coaching was the the perfect next step for them, that they needed to make a decision because they had been stuck for so long and they knew it was going to be the thing to get them moving out and it was. But when you explain to someone that you have invested in coaching and they don't understand what coaching is, they're gonna think that you are crazy. They're gonna think that you are crazy. They're going to think that you are crazy, especially if it is a bigger amount.

Speaker 1: 13:44

I remember a? Uh, someone who used to do our neighbor's lawn. He'd. Sometimes he would do our, our trees and stuff we would cut our trees, would do our trees and stuff we would cut our trees. And he was a very friendly Italian man, very old school Italian, and he was probably in his 70s, I'm guessing, and we used to have conversations and he would ask me what I do and I would try to explain it and he had a hard time understanding it and he thought it was hilarious. He would laugh so much. He's like I can't believe people pay you for that. And I wasn't offended because I knew he didn't understand. It's a different world from what he knew and that was okay. It didn't stop me from sharing with it. Sharing it with him Didn't make me feel bad or second guess what I was doing, because I had given myself permission many, many years ago to go after what I wanted and I didn't care how many people thought I was batshit crazy.

Speaker 1: 14:54

And you know what A lot of people did. Because when I was working at the school board I had a pension, I had a position that a lot of people wanted and when I told people I was leaving to start my own business to start coaching. A lot of those people thought I was insane. They just couldn't understand, they didn't get it, it didn't click. So where are you holding yourself back? Because of fear that people who are not even meant to get your path and understand your path, for fear that they may think you're crazy or you're doing something foolish? And a big sign of the healing that you still need to do if you feel foolish is because there's a belief somewhere in you that agrees with them. And that's just a belief. It's not truth. You can change that.

Speaker 1: 16:05

Leaders, if this is resonating with you and you would like to drop a question for a future episode, please do so in the section that says send me a text message and I will get your question and if it makes sense, I'm going to answer it on an episode. And if you are interested in being a part of the Magnetic Leader Accelerator Beta, please reach out and we can have a chat. There is a short application process to make sure it's a good fit. It's not a fit, I will direct you in a different way. Or we can also speak about private coaching. But the beta is ending soon, which means the one-on-ones included with the program are going away with the beta. You can always add on one-on-ones, but why would you do that when you can get them included right now? Again, it's about giving yourself permission to go after what is truly in alignment for you. So let's have a conversation about leader. I appreciate you. Thank you so much for joining me, If you are still listening. I love you. I appreciate you. I appreciate your time.

Speaker 2: 17:30

And, as always, let's stay connected, living up to your full potential. Your energy is magnetic. Big dreams believe in it. Wisdom, we seeking it, everything that you're looking for, brought to you by Lisa Jeffs, the Magnetic.