How To Have Charisma: Your Secret Weapon For Success

Have you ever wondered what makes certain people so magnetically captivating? That special quality that draws others in and makes people want to follow them? In this powerful episode, we unpack the science of charisma and reveal how you can develop this essential leadership skill.

Charisma isn't some mystical quality bestowed upon the lucky few. As we discover, it's actually a learnable skill that combines the perfect balance of warmth and competence. When you master this balance, you become someone others both like and respect – a powerful position in any professional or personal context.

I share a personal story from early in my career that demonstrates how charisma can open doors, even when you lack traditional qualifications or experience. This mall job interview story illustrates how simple charismatic techniques created an immediate connection that led to an on-the-spot job offer!

The episode breaks down specific micro-habits you can implement immediately to boost your charismatic presence. From eliminating fidgeting and maintaining powerful posture to making meaningful eye contact and asking thoughtful questions, these practical techniques will transform how others perceive and respond to you. I especially emphasize the rare and powerful gift of being fully present with others in our distracted world – a charismatic superpower few people consistently demonstrate.

Whether you're looking to advance your career, grow your business, improve your relationships, or simply connect more authentically with others, developing your charisma will be transformative. Start practicing these techniques this week, and you'll be amazed at how differently people respond to you. Your magnetic presence awaits!

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Charisma
• 4:27 Defining Charisma: Warmth and Competence
• 5:32 The Mall Interview Story
• 10:57 Charisma Habit 1: Calm Presence
• 14:17 Charisma Habit 2: Eye Contact
• 15:21 Charisma Habit 3: Mirroring and Names
• 18:31 Charisma Habit 4: Posture and Walking
• 20:57 Charisma Habit 5: Asking Questions
• 25:47 Conclusion and Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:18

uh. Tap into your inner power. You got this. Now go get it living up to your full potential. Your energy is magnetic. Big dreams believe in it. Wisdom, we seeking it, everything that you're looking for, brought to you by lisa jeffs, the magnetic leader. It's time to soar. Tap into your power of an entrepreneur. Level up. Step it up because Find your purpose. Time to be a magnetic leader.

Speaker 2: 1:51

Welcome to the show leaders. Today. I am on vacation, so it may sound a little different. I'm hoping that it comes through okay, because this message is really, really powerful and it's going to be something that helps support your growth, whether you are looking to help increase your business, your profits, your relationships, if you are looking to move up in your career or if you just want better connections in your personal life. Today we are talking about how to be more charismatic. Now, first let's talk about what the heck is charisma anyways.

Speaker 2: 2:41

So, according to Vanessa Van Edwards, who is a fantastic researcher and speaker on this topic, her definition is the perfect combination between warmth and competence. So that is the type of person who is friendly, they are kind, they are open, but you also view them as someone who knows their stuff. They are competent. Now, if we go in the direction of someone being very, very warm but doesn't have that same mix of competence, we often like them. We often really like them. We often want to be around them a lot, but we don't necessarily trust that they're going to get the job done, and that is not helpful in a lot of work situations. Now, on the flip side, we can have someone who's very, very competent and they can often move up the ladder. However, they often cap it at a certain point because without the warmth aspect, they can come off as cold and aloof, and people don't want to deal with people who are cold and aloof all the time. So having that wonderful mix of warmth and competence really, really puts you above the bar and you can be viewed as someone who is very charismatic. People want to be around and you also get the job done. In other words, it's a perfect combination of being liked and respected.

Speaker 2: 4:39

Okay, so, very, very important and I would say, from the work that I do and the people that I talk to and a lot of interactions I have, this is not a common skill, and I call it a skill because it is something that can be learned. Yes, there are people that have the natural ability to be charismatic, but it can also simply be a skill that you learn, and not a lot of people have it. So if you are really committed to growth, whatever you're doing for your work, for your career, in your business, if you have a desire to impact more people, this is a skill you want to master. So let's talk about how you can be more charismatic. What are the actual let's call them, these micro habits, these little ways that you can practice and bring more charisma into your day to day?

Speaker 2: 5:44

The first I'm going to tell you a little story first. The first time I noticed the power of charisma was when I went into a job interview, and this was when I was just shifting out. If you know my story, if you don't, you can go back into the intro. I think I share this in the intro to the podcast. I mean the very first episode I ever did, where, straight out of high school, I got a job in the adult entertainment industry and I won't go too much into it. But there got to be a point where I said you know what I want to get out of this? I want to go get a quote, unquote real job. And I was, I think, maybe 20, maybe 20, 21, I'm not sure and I wanted to go in to the mall. I had absolutely zero qualifications. I had never worked in retail, I had never worked at a store, but I put my application in at a store that I liked Um, actually, I don't know if I I wore the clothes, I think it was just a store that I was familiar with, anyways, and I got a call back for the interview and I knew that I had zero qualifications for this job. In fact I'm not even sure what I put on the resume because I certainly don't think I put on the adult entertainment world. So but I got a call and I knew that I would have to impress them with my interview skills because I had nothing else to bring. That said, I'd be great at this job.

Speaker 2: 7:43

So part of what you know a charismatic person is being comfortable in your own skin, is being comfortable with what you're wearing. I can tell you right now you are not going to be charismatic If you are wearing something you do not feel comfortable in. It will show Okay. So that that's key. That's. That's, besides, what we're going to get into. But this is a little side note. You got to be comfortable in what you're wearing and it's even better if you feel powerful in what you're wearing.

Speaker 2: 8:16

So I put on a pin striped suit, which at the time was very fashionable, and I had a red undershirt, the color of a powerful color, and when I walked into the mall I felt great. So I walked in shoulders, back, head held high, walking with my I think I had a briefcase and I walked in a relaxed, confident manner. When I met the woman, I smiled, I made eye contact. It's interesting how I knew how to do all those things even though I really didn't realize what I was doing at the time, even though I really didn't realize what I was doing at the time. And then when we went to sit down I remember we were sitting on a bench just in the mall I used active listening skills, right. So I leaned in. When she was talking, I, you know, allowed her to speak. Right, I answered her questions. I also had my own questions. So I pulled out a piece of paper and I was taking notes and asking my own questions, interview, right. I smiled again, shook her hand. She said she'd let us, let us, let me know in a couple of weeks. And I said okay, great, again, my posture is strong, I'm smiling, I'm confident, I'm asking questions. And I got out of that mall, walked out of that mall I don't think it was, I don't even think I got back on the subway yet, maybe I did, I'm not sure and I got a call and it was her and she offered me the job and I knew it was because she was so impressed about how I was and I know the suit, the suit, really that was a big part of it, because I could see she was impressed how I dressed up for the interview. I don't know how the other people that were interviewing dressed, but I'm assuming they didn't put it didn't look like they put in a lot of effort I should say.

Speaker 2: 10:47

So let's get into how you can start being more charismatic and utilize it for your own growth and expansion. So, number one, how you want to be more charismatic. First, you can't start fidgeting and pull at things and have shifty eye contact and, you know, be moving stuff all over the place. You really have to have a grounded, calm stance, whether you are standing up. If you're standing up, you don't, you know, put your, you don't close your arms right. Open arms, open body signals, warmth, making sure that you are breathing calmly. This demonstrates a level of competence. People see you as powerful, relaxed. They people see you as powerful, relaxed and and you can do this even if you don't feel relaxed inside, even if you have anxiety inside.

Speaker 2: 12:22

Because I have gone to many interviews, I only told you about one. I've done many and they've all, except for one disastrous interview, which is a whole nother story went pretty pretty well like very high up on the the poll here and I absolutely felt anxious in some of them. I absolutely had nerves in some of them, but I know how to have that feeling, but not let it show on my body and all it is is practice. That's all it is. It's practice. So what's really great, if you're going to use this for interviews or any kind of pitching, is to tape yourself of pitching is to tape yourself. Right, have a practice. I used to practice all the time. I don't necessarily recommend practicing as hardcore as I used to practice. It was a little bit borderlining um, perfectionism, almost. I don't think you need to go as hard as I did, but absolutely practicing until you feel confident is is going to make such a big difference and watching yourself back. I often have clients who tell me that the recording they get from our sessions because we always record the sessions for them is absolutely transformative just from that, just from watching themselves on the recording, just from hearing themselves.

Speaker 2: 13:59

So number one if you want to look more competent is do not fidget. Is do not fidget. Okay, be calm, be peaceful, but also be open. Next one make eye contact. Now, I don't mean drill your eyes deep into their soul, okay, until they feel super, super awkward, but not having shifty eyes or looking down and I know this can be a form, you know, when anxiety hits, we can start doing this. But it's really important that you're able to make eye contact. But it's really important that you're able to make eye contact. First of all, this signals confidence. It signals competence. What Vanessa Van Edwards often talks about is warming your eyes first. So it means smiling with your eyes and practicing that before you speak. Right, because what do we want? We want to mix again competence and warmth.

Speaker 2: 15:16

What else can you do to be more charismatic? You can mirror the person's energy. You can repeat back certain words that they said. I used to reframe a word. I used to hear people's words and I would speak it back in the word that I like to use. Right, because sometimes we have different words that mean the same thing. But what's even more powerful is just repeating the words that they use. This increases trust building.

Speaker 2: 15:57

Now, you don't want to do it in a weird manipulative way, right, because a lot of these things you can almost take it too far and it becomes odd, it becomes strange and that is the furthest thing we want from being charismatic. That's why I say you practice, but you don't want to be putting on a performance, you want to practice so it becomes your natural state. I do believe most people really are. They have that charismatic ability. It's just that they haven't practiced it and all the limiting beliefs we pick up over the years can really dim it. They pick up over the years can really dim it, but ultimately we wanna practice these things so your natural authentic state comes through okay, and that is ultimately very charismatic. So again, mirroring their energy Another thing you can do that's really charismatic.

Speaker 2: 17:06

That can also go the absolute wrong way when overused and I see a lot of salespeople will do this and I've had to call out some salespeople because it gets really weird. But that is using a person's name. So of course this builds trust. It builds connection. So of course this builds trust. It builds connection. But if you're using their name every two seconds, as when you were talking, this is when it gets weird, and I don't know if this is a nervousness that people fall into or they've just heard that saying a person's name, it can be a powerful way to build a connection and lead to sales, etc. And then they just like use it until it becomes very strange. But again, we want this to be natural. So using it at the beginning of a conversation and then letting it go, and maybe using it at the end of the conversation, but not every second sentence that you say and that builds warmth.

Speaker 2: 18:23

Also, again, I already mentioned it in the story that I told you but posture is huge. This is a huge one. Even doing this alone and your charismatic meter is going to go sky high. Shoulders back, straighten up, head up, head up and walking with a relaxed stance. I often do this when I practice, when I go for walks, I'll put on some music that I really like and I get into the energy that I am calling in. So if, let's say, I'm even manifesting something or I'll play with almost different characters because I like it, it's fun for me and I will walk. And it's such a difference when you are consciously practicing walking and really putting focus into it than just walking in our natural way. So sometimes, when I walk in my natural way, I'm all over the place.

Speaker 2: 19:42

That's one thing about me is I have very polar ways about me. So in one way, I'm extremely charismatic. I know when to turn it on Again, not a performance, but I know when to bring it forth from inside of me. But on the flip side, sometimes I can be super, super awkward right, I can be super awkward, I can be walking, I can look awkward, and it's okay to have these pieces within you that look like polar opposites, and still be able to be charismatic. So you don't I don't care where you're starting from. If you start implementing some of these things this week with people, you're going to notice a difference. Some of these things this week with people, you're going to notice a difference. So here's another one that's really really, really helpful, and this one goes into competence and also warmth, and it leaves a very good impression on people, and that is asking questions. So I don't know if you've ever been to a networking event.

Speaker 2: 21:00

I've been to many networking events, sometimes I think too many and there has been multiple occasions where I remember people just simply talking about themselves. Nothing wrong with talking about yourself, by the way, and sharing parts of you, but literally dominating the whole conversation and just talking about themselves. This does not build any trust, this is not warmth, and I would even argue it it. Borderlines are not seeming very competent either. It just seems like a trying to put into words the energy when someone is. It's almost like an anxious energy, even though it doesn't really seem like the person is anxious, but it can come across as as that or or simply um, self-absorbed. To be honest not that that I'm late, I don't want to label people as self-absorbed, but if you have anxieties about going into a networking event because you think you're going to have to talk about yourself and you don't like talking about yourself, again, there's nothing wrong with talking about yourself. But you want to be able to be giving and receiving. But if you're feeling anxious about giving, so talking about yourself, just ask questions.

Speaker 2: 22:39

People love to answer questions about themselves. I think it is Dale Carnegie in Dale Carnegie's book how to Make Friends and Influence People how to make friends and influence people, where he shares how beneficial it is to ask questions. This is one of the reasons why I typically do so well in pitches or interviews is that I always have a list of questions that I want to ask. It's one of the easiest things you can do and then listen to the person's answer. Don't just fire off questions like one after the other and you're not even listening to what they're saying. You want to ask these questions. Hear what the person is saying, ask follow-up questions to do with that right. Let them know you are present, you are listening to them.

Speaker 2: 23:47

I think I've done podcasts on the art of presence and how powerful it is, because most people are not present, they are in their own head or they are distracted. We live in a very distracted society. So when someone is fully present with you, leaning in, making eye contact, asking you questions and listening to what you're saying and repeating it back and asking follow-up questions, that makes a huge, massive impact. And I don't say this lightly, because I'm saying it and you may be thinking, but that's like nothing Like. So I'm just leaning in and I'm just like listening and then I'm, you know, asking questions and repeating it back. But think about how many people the past week have done that for you, have held that space for you. Think about how many people in the last month have done that or the last year. To be honest, I can think of in my life very few people who do that well, and a lot of them I pay as my coach or someone that I'm working with.

Speaker 2: 25:16

So start doing these simple, simple practices and you are going to appear, whether you feel like it or not, more charismatic, and it's going to change your business, your career, your personal life. I promise you that. As always, leader, I appreciate you. Thank you for listening. I hope you can hear this okay. Again, I'm on vacation so I'm just recording this on my earphones. I don't have my my usual mic with me, but send me a message on Instagram If you'd like a question answered on the podcast. You can always ask a question or you can text it to me in the show notes. I believe it's on in the show notes directly from the podcast website on my website, lisa Jeffscom, the podcast website on my website, lisajeffscom. If you'd like to go deeper on some of these tactics, reach out and let's talk about an intensive and see if an intensive where we work together in a VIP afternoon and then you have a week of support to start implementing some of these actions, is a good fit for what you are going through right now and what your goals are.

Speaker 1: 26:50

I love you, leader. I appreciate you. Magnetic Big dreams believe in it. Wisdom, we seeking it. Everything that you're looking for, brought to you by Lisa Jeffs, the Magnetic Leader.