How To Gain Respect As A Leader (Without Losing Your Likability)

We unpack how respect emerges from inner alignment, clear standards, and consistent follow-through. We share simple scripts and presence practices to set boundaried warmth without posturing or people pleasing.

• why respect mirrors self-respect and standards
• competence plus warmth as the charisma mix
• how over-explaining erodes credibility
• simple scripts to say no with care
• posture, tone and first-impression signals
• practicing calm presence in low-stakes spaces
• regulated leadership as the new edge
• authenticity without oversharing across contexts
• alignment of words, energy and actions

00:00 Introduction to Respect

00:53 Self-Respect and Boundaries

02:29 Balancing Likeability and Respect

03:26 Practical Steps to Claim Respect

04:58 Competence and Warmth

06:08 Setting Boundaries and Standards

09:03 Energetic Presence and Confidence

11:48 Effective Communication

18:05 First Impressions and Posture

22:15 Authentic Leadership

24:16 Conclusion and Next Steps

If you want to go deeper on this, Lisa, this is great, but geez, I need some help. You can head on over to my website. You can book a test drive consult. We have changed these, these are now full sessions, or you can also book a VIP day. Send me an email at infolisa Jeffs.com, mention the podcast, say you're interested in booking a VIP day, and we will get that process started

Chapters

• 0:00 Tempo: 120.0

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:16

Welcome to the show leader. Today we're talking about respect. RESPECT. And if you feel like you have not been getting the respect that you know that you deserve, I want you to keep listening because it's always a reflection of what is going on internally. We truly do teach people how to treat us. I know some people have an issue with that statement. And that is not to condone abusive behavior. But what I'm referring to is when we are not feeling respected in the workplace or respected with our clients, in our business, or with our team, that is an indication for us to go inside and say, okay, what's going on with my self-respect? What's going on with the boundaries that I'm holding? And what is going on with my ability to simply claim respect? Claiming respect simply means that you hold the energy that you will not be disrespected. Now, people can disrespect, they can throw disrespect, but claiming respect means that you are going to have the standards and the boundaries that hold your container of respect, regardless of what others are doing. So it's always a mirror of what's happening inside of us. And this can be a challenge, especially for compassionate leaders, heart-centered leaders, leaders that have felt like maybe they're not the loudest in the room. Or maybe they're the ones that are highly sensitive. So they are picking up everything, and they feel that to be respected means they're not going to be liked. Sometimes, you know, this question I see going around, it goes around on LinkedIn every couple of months. Would you rather be liked or would you rather be respected? And my question is, well, why wouldn't you want to be both? There's no reason you can't be liked and respected. Now, does that mean you're going to be liked and respected by everybody? No. But you certainly don't need to choose between showing up in the energy of wanting to be liked or wanting to be respected. Now, ideally, you're not showing up in any kind of energy of wanting that from other people. You're showing up in the energy of your claiming that. Meaning being liked and being respected is simply a byproduct of who you are, not something you are trying to get, not something you are trying to perform, which never works. It is simply a byproduct of who you are. So let's get into the practical. So, Lisa, how do I do this? I understand what you're saying, but if I'm not feeling respected, how can I start to change things? So, this is how I want you to start. Now, first, it's having the awareness and having the commitment to know how we say this. And you may get sick of me saying this, but again, we're not here to put band-aids on things. We're not here to look at surface-level tactics that always fall short. We are here to make real lasting change. We are here to release patterns of people pleasing, of showing up small in small energy. We are letting go of feeling like people are somehow on a pedestal above us, or that we can't be someone who owns the room, owns respect, is liked, and has an abundance of opportunities, an abundance of all the wonderful things that comes with being respected. Because I can tell you, when you are truly respected in your field, in your work, you're gonna make more money. You're gonna have more opportunities. That's one thing that happens when we fully own the respect. So if you've ever listened to one of my podcasts on competence and charisma, or charisma and confidence, I should say, you'll remember me saying, This is from Vanessa Van Edwards. Charisma is a perfect mix of competence and warmth. You don't want to have one without the other. You know, giving you things to do, but they may not respect you. They may not put your name in for opportunities, or they may not buy whatever you're selling. So we want to have a mix of competence and warmth. We want to have a mix of being respected and being liked, and that starts with you respecting yourself. So that is number one, you respecting yourself, which can look like you respecting your time, you valuing your time, not being accommodating to every person, left, right, and center, especially when your cup is not overflowing. So years and years and years ago, I remember having people doing weird things, right? Like friends, like I'm talking about my teenage years, where people would be testing the boundaries, they would be seeing what they could get away with, and sometimes they would get away with things. So sometimes that would mean that I'm doing things I don't really want to do, but the other person asked me to, and I felt that if I said no, then that would end the friendship or that would end the relationship. So I ended up doing these things that I didn't want to do. And that pattern lasted till maybe about my later teens. When I finally said, you know what, this is not working anymore. I'm not gonna keep sacrificing myself. One, because when you get into patterns like that, you lose the appreciation for what you're doing. Now, a lot of people aren't doing these kind of things maliciously. All right. So if you're working in an environment or you're working with your clients or you're working with your team, and they know what they can get away with, they know how to maneuver things to get what they need, get what they want, and they're not always going to take you into account. Now, they're not necessarily doing this maliciously, this is human nature. When I worked in the school board with youth, youth are master people readers. They know exactly who they can get away with stuff. They know exactly who to ask when they want a yes, they know who to avoid when they know they're gonna get a no to something that they want. Adults are exactly the same, doesn't mean they're maliciously doing it, but they will take advantage. So it's up to you to hold that ground and ask yourself, well, what are the standards that I'm holding for myself? What are the boundaries that I am going to put in place to both respect myself and respect the work that I'm doing? And for me, when I put those boundaries in place, um just a natural byproduct, people stopped trying to take advantage, they just stopped. You your energy speaks before you ever speak. You can tell whether you are consciously aware or not, you know when someone walks in the room, you can even test this, you can test this, go to a coffee shop and just watch people coming in. You can see who has holds an aura of respect and boundaries and who doesn't. You will pick up, and this does not have to do sometimes, you know, we can look at clothes, you know, how someone's put together, you know, their hair, if they wear makeup, they don't wear makeup, how they're groomed, but that's just a surface layer. The underlying layer is the energetics, the energetics of what's happening. And you will be able to read the more you practice this, you don't even need to hear a person speak. And you will know who has boundaries that you can poke holes in and who has boundaries that doesn't. If you have boundaries that people can poke holes in that you're not upholding, that is creating a lack of respect in their eyes. Now, you can fix that. If that's something you're doing, you can change that. But the first step is you gotta be aware of what's happening. Confidence is not gonna come from you forcing yourself to be louder, forcing people to respect you, which is never gonna work ever. It comes from being energetically congruent, meaning that your inner world is going to match your outer presence. Presence such as posture, tone, energy, how you walk into a room, how you present yourself energetically, making sure that your inner self-talk is positive, is something where you are respecting your work, you are valuing yourself, that doesn't mean you you are perfect all the time. Human beings naturally have self-talk that can lean to the negative sometimes, but you're you're catching it, you're being disciplined with that, you're not allowing that to run the show. All right, we're not gonna get too much into that in this episode. So let's talk about communication because this is a big one, boundaried warmth, what I call it, is where you can be kind in the way you're communicating, but firm. You can be warm but clear. And this is what's called boundaried warmth. So one way to lose respect from your team, from your clients, from investors, is when you are over-explaining or you're over-apologizing, you're sugarcoating things to keep the peace. You know, this intention can be good, can be coming from a good place, but often the impact is the opposite. People start to wonder, is this person uncertain what what they're doing? Are they sure of themselves? And they're just taking into to they're not, they're listening to what you're saying, even when the intention behind it is good, right? So they're hearing a bunch of over, right? Overdoing it, over-explaining. So we want to be very clear, we want to be direct, but we want to also be warm. You don't need to be cold. A lot of times when people hear being clear and direct, especially for highly sensitive leaders, entrepreneurs, creatives, they can go into, oh, that's cold or that's mean. No, it can absolutely be warm and respectful. So here's what you can say. If someone's asking you to do something and you don't want to do it, or you're fine with doing it, but you're not okay with everything that they're asking for. You can simply say something like, I understand, you know, thank you for sharing that with me. Here's what works for me, and then you share what works for you. Simple as that. You don't need to explain why it you don't need to apologize, sorry, that doesn't work for me. No, you don't need to do any of that. Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate that. Here's what works for me. Or you could say something along the lines, you know, if someone's sharing something with you, that doesn't align with how I operate, but here's what does. If they're asking you again for something. No, that doesn't align with how I operate, but here's what does. Now, I want you to pay attention about what you're feeling in your body right now, what you are saying to yourself. Are you saying to yourself something like, oh my god, I could never say that. That sounds really rude. That sounds really mean. That's a good indication of what's going on inside of you and why you may not feel that you are being respected. Here's another thing you can say. This is a little warmer. I'd love to help. Here's what I can do. What you what you don't want to do or what you can't do. You don't even need to include that. You can just say something like, I'd love to help, or I'd love to do that. Here's what I can do. Maybe you can only do one tiny little thing. You don't need to overexplain. The more you practice this, the more you're gonna find a flow that works for you. Maybe it is a little bit more warm, maybe it is a little bit more clear and direct. There are there are lots of people in my life that I can think of that I really enjoy. I love talking to them, I love working with them, and they are very much on the more direct side, but I can feel the care and the warmth inside of them. I can feel the integrity, they're high integrity, they're heart-centered, but they're a little bit more direct, and I don't mind that at all. I don't think any less of them. I respect them and I like them. And then I know others who are more on the warm side, but they have very clear boundaries. This is a huge one. When you have clear, firm boundaries and standards for yourself, that is an immediate place of respect. When you hold yourself in congruence, you are in integrity, which means you follow through with what you say you're gonna do. If you say you're gonna do something, you do it. So you're working on your inner character. The more you work on your inner character, the more you will see the world reflecting respect back to you. Follow through with what you say, do what you say, respect yourself, respect your mind, respect your work, respect your body. I'm not talking about being perfect here. No one on the planet is perfect, but overall, and when I say respect your body, that means not overworking, not giving, giving, giving when your cup is empty, making sure you're resting, making sure you're taking breaks, all of these things lead to your inner respect. Okay, last one, let's go into this. What is gonna create respect immediately? People make a first impression right off the bat, someone is making an impression of you, and again, the clothes you're wearing, you know, how you're groomed can absolutely make an impression. But even if you were walking in in a tracksuit, you know, straight from the gym, you know, your hair's all tossed, you can still make an amazing impression. So things like your posture, take a kind of feel. What's your posture right now? Your posture is always going to give a good indication of what you are going through, the energy that you're experiencing right now. When I am stressed out, I'm always more hunched over and closed in, kind of internalized. If I'm thinking, I'm overthinking, I'm in a loop. Immediately I can stop myself and straighten out my shoulders. You can do that right now. You can sit up tall or stand up tall, straighten your shoulders back, lift your head up, put your chin up. How do you feel? You immediately feel better, you immediately feel more confident. Relax your shoulders, put them back, but also relax them. Don't tense up. The more you can be in a strong presence, the more you can be in a calm, relaxed, strong presence, the more people are gonna make that initial impression of, oh, this is someone who is grounded, they feel safe in their body. I can likely trust them, they're making that first impression, right? So practice this. Don't just listen to what I'm saying and then hope and pray that you're gonna walk into a room and people are gonna have a good impression of you. Practice it. Every time you go into the grocery store, every time you go into a coffee shop, every time you go into a place where there's no pressure for you to show up in a certain way, visualize yourself walking into a meeting with whatever makes sense for you. So whether that is you're walking into a meeting with a group of investors, or you're walking in with your team, or you're walking into an event with potential dream clients, whatever it is, every time you walk in, you practice. How can I walk in in a slow, relaxed, calm manner? A lot of times people have this belief that to be respected, you have to be like fast and hard and mean and aggressive and a whole bunch of odd things. No. And as we move into next year, the year after the year, leadership is changing. What is being more respected and more desirable, meaning more opportunities, people want to be higher, people want to be around you, people want to invite you to certain things, people want to pay you more, is going to be the regulated leader. So a leader that feels safe within their body, a leader that feels safe to set boundaries, to express themselves, to be firm when they need to be firm, to be warm and compassionate when they need to be warm and compassionate, to be this multi-dimensional leader who can show up as their authentic self, meaning that they are showing up without the walls or without the performance. This is something that I just want to add in in case it resonates with anyone. But I've seen some interesting posts around authentic leadership. And there's this belief that authentic leadership means that you're showing up in places showing all sides of you, right? Showing sides that you would show in the privacy of your home with your partner, or when you're having a heart-to-heart with your parents or your kids or something like that? No, authentic leadership does not mean that you have to be, you know, we we are multidimensional. There's so many parts within each person, right? When you're with your parents, if if you still have your parents alive, or you're with certain family members or your sibling, you're not going to be the same as you are with your partner. Does that mean you're being inauthentic? No, it doesn't mean you're being inauthentic. It means you hold a different, there's a different connection base with different relationships. So authentic leadership simply means you're showing up as your highest version, which means you're showing up from a place of grounded, safe presence. Your nervous system is regulated, you have clear beliefs that are supportive to you, to the people that you are working with. You are not operating from a place of fear or performance. You are not pretending to be something you are not because of some kind of fear, which I will say a lot of people are operating from because this is how we are programmed from a young age that is not safe to be our full true authentic self, the full expression of who we are. So we put on this mask, and a lot of people don't even know who they are to be their authentic self. But hey, that's a whole nother episode right there. So to wrap this up, you don't need to be hard to be respected. You also don't need to be a people pleaser, have no boundaries, have no standards to be liked. You can be warm, compassionate, caring, kind, and be respected. You can also have strong boundaries, you can have firm standards, and you can be liked by many. True respect is the natural result of inner alignment. Your words, your energies, your actions, they all line up with who you are, what you say. This builds not only self-trust, it builds trust with the people that you are working with. So you always want to bring that level of self-respect into every room because people feel it. And they don't always know why, but they do. Okay. So be kind, be warm, start thinking about hey, we're going into the new year. What boundaries do I need to put in place so I can be more respected, so I can feel more abundant, I have more of an abundance of energy, I have more of an abundance of well-being, and I'm in I enjoy my work more because I can tell you when you are in a place where you feel respected, you feel loved, you feel like the work you're doing matters, and you're just in this wonderful flow of opportunities and creation, and you're no longer feeling like you have to battle or you have to perform, which is exhausting. It's a really, really great place to be. Not everyone gets to experience that in this lifetime simply because they're operating on a program and they don't have the awareness or they don't have the understanding that they can change it. You listening to this, you have the awareness. It's just about taking that step in the direction and saying, hey, if I have a pattern that's not working for me, how can I start to change it? And really knowing that you are worthy of all the abundance, all the opportunities, all the wonderful relationships that are out there for you. This is what it's gonna be all about the end of the year and in 2026 and beyond. Leader, I love you. I appreciate you. If you want to go deeper on this, if you're saying to yourself, Lisa, this is great, but geez, I need some help. I got my own issues, I got specific things that I really don't want to take into the new year with me. You can head on over to my website. You can book a test drive consult. We have changed these, these are now full sessions, or you can also book a VIP day. Send me an email at infolisa Jeffs.com, mention the podcast, say you're interested in booking a VIP day, and we will get that process started, or I can share more information on what that entails. All right, leader. I love you, I appreciate you. Go out there, get the respect you deserve, and as always, let's stay connected.

SPEAKER_01: 28:23

Big dreams, believing in it, wisdom with seeking making everything that you're looking for. Brought to you by Lisa Chester. The magnetic